Matt Paint
2,235,987,095 Poverty Lane
Slumville
East Backwater
Central Nowhere
XX0 0XX

Stupid Fat Rich Agent Bastard
The Decadent Mansion, Haddock Lane
Grotton
Grotley
P155 0FF
Great Britain
+44 53180088 618

32nd Pentember 4211

Dear Fucktard,

I read other books you represent and [insert ingratiating arselicking bullshit] I greatly admire the works you represent.

I am sending you sample chapters of my novel, 'Brown Trousers', because I've already sent it to all the other agents in the book whose names come alphabetically before yours. If you find this submission to be unsatisfactory, please go to hell in the envelope provided.

Yours sincerely,

Matt Paint, impoverished writer Esquire.
http://mycrapwebsite.com


Received via e-mail:

Dear Sir or Madman,

I'm sending you my novel, 'Brown Nosers', because.

Fours yaithfully,

Kimberly Clark.

nb. For advice on how to write a proper cover letter, see anywhere other than here.